There was howls of outrage today when details were leaked to The Ballyeffin Beacon regarding a travesty of justice. It was revealed that Dermot Murphy-O’Tumultaigh, a 30 year veteran coal miner from the Ballyeffin Mining Company, was forcibly removed from this jurisdiction by the powers that be for nothing more than looking out of place.
Apparently, Dermot had received an urgent message as he and his crew arrived on the surface after a hard shift underground. There was a Family emergency so Dermot went straight for the car park instead of the showers. He usually gets the bus home but on this necessary occasion he borrowed the car of workmate; Bertie MacKlintoff. As Dermot was racing home he was apprehended by some shower of fuckers.
Unable to speak properly, because of all the coal dust in his throat (he usually has a beer in the shower to wash the dust away) plus the issues at home with the milkman, Dermot struggled to express himself to the mongrels. He was given no chance at all to explain.
And with no identification to show he was bundled into the back of a van and off it went. Unfortunately for Dermot there was a plane chartered that was heading out foreign to return unwanted visitors and he was added to the flight list shortly after being restrained. It is an incredible story and fairly unbelievable to boot. But it gets worse.
Dermot spent three weeks in a refugee camp out foreign before he could finally convince the authorities that he was not supposed to be there. He was not missed at home as they thought he had gone on a bender – as you do. And the Mining Company thought he was dealing with the Milkman. Luckily for him, there was an unexpected deluge of torrential rain at the refugee camp and he was immediately transformed. He stuck out like a Laois Man on Bondi Beach.
There was an attempt at a huge cover-up of the details but they were always going to get out. The events are far too serious to be swept under the fridge. Dermot has resettled now and is awaiting the arrival of his three new wives he married during his spell away. He converted to some new yoke that lets him have 4 wives. After all that trouble with the milkman you’d have thought he might have learned his lesson. Good Luck Lad.