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Sneaky Putin Attacks UK's Underbelly

Putin Plans Discord in UK Through Curry Shortage

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SHOVE OFF YA NOSY GIT

Yiziv come here for the readin not the nosin
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'Hit Them Where it Hurts' Orders Putin

A leak from The Kremlin just this past few minutes describes a secret meeting between Vladimir Putin and his Secret Police. The meeting discussed retaliation options after 23 Russian Diplomats were expelled from the UK by Boris, the British Prime Minister.

Teams of Russian undercover agents have been ordered to scour the World’s markets and purchase all the curry stocks with the intention of causing mayhem and riots in Britain. With legendary Russian efficiency waves of rushing agents have raced into the markets at speed; and supplies are dwindling faster than you can read this.

Putin May UK Russia

A wave of panic is starting to be felt across Great Britain as closing time is only a few hours away. The stocks of curry currently available will not last the weekend said Bob Smith, the International Curry Board Member. And being Paddy’s Weekend, and the 6 Nations fight for the Grand Slam, this will cause an even greater problem as the Irish in the UK love curry too and they’ll be blaming the Brits for the shortage so there will be some sort of a Big F#@king Problem, most probably, said Bob. There’s going to be one massive battle on the rugby pitch tomorrow we reckon.

Currygate

Breaking Now

We are getting news in just now that the Scottish Curry Stocks are holding up. They will make it through this night but there will be hell at breakfast time when everyone doesn’t get their regular delivery. West Belfast is rumbling and could explode at any minute. In the East all is well as they don’t eat foreign muck.

Fights and Money

Fights have started to break out in Manchester and Liverpool, with a lot of finger-pointing going on as well. In the true spirit of entrepreneurship a new platform has been set up to profit out of this mayhem. Www.CurryBay.Dish is selling curry at 50 times its usual value. Make that 60. The bids are going crazy.

Mobbed

Curry shops across the UK are mobbed. #putincurry and #currybay are trending on social media. There is a run on curry houses. Punters are hoovering up as much as they can carry and heading straight on to the Www.CurryBay.Dish App (Free Download).

Boris is stressing out. The pressure is telling. Putin is sitting back, with a bottle of the Saxony pilsner beer that Chancellor Merkel sends him, with a wry smile on his face.  News is coming in sporadically. It’s pandemonium out there on the streets. Merkel is watching from afar with glee whilst chewing on Vlad’s smoked fish he traded for the beer.

We will keep you updated whenever we can. Our Www.CurryBay.Dish auctions are booming. Leave your thought below. Keep Calm and Curry On.

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Independent Fact Check

Independent Fact Check

I, Jane Roweled-Doh, acting as an Impartial and Independent Fact Checker, and on the payroll of the Ballyboondock Guardian - A sworn mortal enemy of The Ballyeffin Beacon, label this tripe as Mostly Fake News, and 100% Fake News.

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you look Sensitive! Snowflake????

Offended Easily?