'Hit Them Where it Hurts' Orders Putin
A leak from The Kremlin just this past few minutes describes a secret meeting between Vladimir Putin and his Secret Police. The meeting discussed retaliation options after 23 Russian Diplomats were expelled from the UK by Boris, the British Prime Minister.
Teams of Russian undercover agents have been ordered to scour the World’s markets and purchase all the curry stocks with the intention of causing mayhem and riots in Britain. With legendary Russian efficiency waves of rushing agents have raced into the markets at speed; and supplies are dwindling faster than you can read this.
A wave of panic is starting to be felt across Great Britain as closing time is only a few hours away. The stocks of curry currently available will not last the weekend said Bob Smith, the International Curry Board Member. And being Paddy’s Weekend, and the 6 Nations fight for the Grand Slam, this will cause an even greater problem as the Irish in the UK love curry too and they’ll be blaming the Brits for the shortage so there will be some sort of a Big F#@king Problem, most probably, said Bob. There’s going to be one massive battle on the rugby pitch tomorrow we reckon.
We are getting news in just now that the Scottish Curry Stocks are holding up. They will make it through this night but there will be hell at breakfast time when everyone doesn’t get their regular delivery. West Belfast is rumbling and could explode at any minute. In the East all is well as they don’t eat foreign muck.
Fights and Money
Fights have started to break out in Manchester and Liverpool, with a lot of finger-pointing going on as well. In the true spirit of entrepreneurship a new platform has been set up to profit out of this mayhem. Www.CurryBay.Dish is selling curry at 50 times its usual value. Make that 60. The bids are going crazy.
Boris is stressing out. The pressure is telling. Putin is sitting back, with a bottle of the Saxony pilsner beer that Chancellor Merkel sends him, with a wry smile on his face. News is coming in sporadically. It’s pandemonium out there on the streets. Merkel is watching from afar with glee whilst chewing on Vlad’s smoked fish he traded for the beer.
We will keep you updated whenever we can. Our Www.CurryBay.Dish auctions are booming. Leave your thought below. Keep Calm and Curry On.