News Just Breaking
Superman Crashes after Paddy’s Weekend Bender.
A Wind Farm in County Offaly is under lock-down as emergency services deal with the after effects of what was originally thought to have been a bird strike involving swans with one of the wind turbines. Upon further investigation Superman was discovered, pissed as a newt lying face down in the snow below the damaged turbine.
Reports are coming in thick and fast at present. Maugra Effin, the Proprietor of the Ballyeffin Inn, said that Superman had arrived to her establishment after midnight; they had heard a loud thump and discovered he had hit the side of the Inn after a piss-poor landing attempt. He was fairly langers at that point, she said. He partied on there for an hour or so then was heading for another pub for a few before motoring on to Galway for a bit of clubbing, said Maugra. Obviously he got distracted on the way.
One eye witness, Larry, who was digging a shallow hole in the bog at the time, said that he’d heard a heron freaking out and when he looked up he saw the silhouette of what looked to be a flying man harassing the heron and chasing it through the wind farm. I was after shiting meself after I saw that, said Larry. Then bang. What happened? Larry hit a bone with his spade (Should have made a map, Larry).
Why Was Superman in Ireland?
The rumour is that he had answered a cry for help from Theresa May regarding the Putin Curry Crisis. As Superman was flying over Ireland on his way to London he noticed all the mayhem and partying below so he decided he’d do a quick piss-trip around the Emerald Isle after discovering it was Paddy’s Day. Twas like Kryptonite, so it was.
Stay tuned for updates.
Have you seen Superman? Did you meet a Superman on Paddy’s Weekend? Let us know in the comments section.