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Beached Whale in Ireland. Offaly Whale.

Whale Washes Ashore In County Offaly

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SHOVE OFF YA NOSY GIT

Yiziv come here for the readin not the nosin
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Department of Fisheries, Bogs and Turnips officials will be on the Boglands  shoreline in  County Offaly Tuesday morning where a whale was found dead. The whale is thought to be the sub-species Bogadoricus Sniftyeranus, also known as the Peat Whale, which is closely related to the Humpback.

The whale was found Tuesday on the shore near Ballyboondock, well west of Dublin, but never quite far enough.

Officers will be on site to take measurements and selfies, which will be uploaded, for emotive purposes, to Social Media so as many people as possible can like the images, and share them, before they get robbed and turned into Memes and made-up stories. 

Running concurrently will be a fundraising campaign utilising the effectively emotive image of a baby panda bear looking as sad and cute as possible. A guaranteed license to print money.

Jonah Murphy-O’Tumultaigh stopped by the site just before 8 a.m. Tuesday, when the tide was low.

Daingean Offaly Whale Washed Up in Bog Ireland

He said there was a tidal surge caused by an exceptional lunar event known as the Lunarlimbpull which caused a once-in-a-lot-of-years event. Climate change had nothing to do with it, he stressed, without being prompted (Denier). It is an unusual event but not unheard of, he added.

The local lads are sniffing around down on the bog with their tractors and a shipwreck to see what can be done before the tide comes in. Mighty Mick popped his head up whilst we were there. We tried to get a comment out of him but, unusually, he had nothing to say. He was busy tinkering with the tractors and relaxing after ‘The Big 3’.

Have you seen the whale?

What do you think?

Let us know.

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Independent Fact Check

Independent Fact Check

I, Jane Roweled-Doh, acting as an Impartial and Independent Fact Checker, and on the payroll of the Ballyboondock Guardian - A sworn mortal enemy of The Ballyeffin Beacon, label this tripe as Mostly Fake News, and 100% Fake News.

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you look Sensitive! Snowflake????

Offended Easily?