Puting the legendary 2020 Covid-19 toilet paper rush in the can, the Big Turdy Wongka Toilet Paper Factory ‘Golden Sheet’ search is currently deforesting the earth at an incredible pace. The Amazon (The Real Amazon, not the Take-Over-The-World-Amazon.com one) is disappearing so fast that Google Earth is having a meltdown not keeping up with the updates.
One knock-on effect has been water shortages. Water resources are getting hammered more than the Amazon, and equally as much as the porcelain. Good, treated, drinkable water (flouride?) is being flushed away furiously. This furious flushing is creating a huge sewage soup of Big Turdy Premium Brand Bog Rolls, sans the Golden Tickets, and lovely water. This shzit-soup is overflowing all available shzit-soup storage facilities and making its way downhill, heading for the coasts, and wherever else shzit-soup can fit.
The management of the Big Turdy Wongka Toilet Paper Factory are getting massive amounts of abuse from around the globe for their crazy but successful marketing gimmick, The Golden Sheet. Worldwide, frenzied butt-wipers are out there in their droves hoovering up every ounce of Big Turdy Wongka Premium Bog rolls, all made from them precious, ex-majestic, and ex-erect Amazonian trees. Insidious as it may be there is no stopping the feverish search for the five Golden Sheets.
The coveted prize for the hordes of manic searchers is a lifetime supply of Turd Paper (a no frills brand, the Big Turdy Wongka Premium brand is too expensive to give away for free) and a 10% OFF tour of the Big Turdy Wongka Toilet Paper Factory in Ballyeffin Village. Big Turdy Wongka, AKA Turd Face, the man himself, has a reputation of being tight, and an elusive and slippery character, who only pokes his head out once in a while, generally within private circles, and rarely in public, apart from on several streets in San Francisco, and Los Angeles.
The sharemarket is reeling and the share traders are furious because the Big Turdy Wongka Toilet Paper Factory is in private ownership so the vultures, the scavengers, and the other sewer-dwellers can’t get their finger into the great, big, steaming pile of money flowing down the get-rich pipeline all the way to Turd Face Wongka’s ever-growing steaming pile of filthy lucre.
This controversy is in its infancy, it is brewing, and baking, and will, I am sure, make an even bigger impression on all porcelain thrones throughout this creaking planet we live upon. Just like the Covid-19 episode, this Big Turdy (Turd Face) shzit-storm will leave an inedibl………indellible skid-mark, or three, somewhere.
Have you seen any Big Turdy Premium Szhit Paper on sale? Have you found a Golden Sheet? Leave your mark in the comments below…….